My Body, My Story

Happy Tuesday Party People. I had another post for today, but I really just wanted to share a few things.

Yesterday, I started what I’m referring to as W30 R2 OTG (Whole30, Round 2, On the Go). As part of my 90 Day Goals, I’ve decided to do another official Whole30. I’m feeling pretty chill about it since I have a good handle on what to look forward to (side note: this kind of hubris never ends well…). I’m also SUPER pumped because I’ve found some good recipes that I think will help spice up breakfast a bit & fancify my dinner options.  As part of wanting to blog more you’ll start seeing more posts (and hopefully pictures), geared toward these new recipes and my adventures in not fully reading a recipe before beginning to cook.

Yesterday was also the release of a video I was able to record for the blog Runway Riot about a month ago. It’s the debut in a video series where they talk to various women about their body, body image, and ask them to tell the story of how their relationship with their body has evolved. I was TERRIFIED of this. Like really terrified. Like fake a meeting at work and not show up terrified. Get a quick case of the stomach bug terrified. Say “sorry, but my imaginary daughter has a recital that I forgot about” terrified. Bethenny sums it up well…

giphy

But, I packed my shiz up, hopped on the subway, and made it through it. Unscathed. Mostly. There were some tears… from both me and the interviewer, but I think they were mostly from a happy place for me. Speaking on that video was therapeutic. I don’t think I’d every told anyone but my Mom (via a very, very emotional email) about the airplane story. Sometimes part of speaking things into existence is acknowledging your feelings, not fighting against the impending pain, and just working through it.

If you remember when I started this blog in March, I talked about how food and I have a complicated relationship? Well, my relationship with my body used to be a lot like that. I was constantly disappointed in it for letting me down and failing to show up when I needed it to. My body failed to do what I wanted it to do when I wanted it to do it and I resented it. A lot.

But, here’s the thing about resentment. It festers. If you resent someone/thing, you can’t see the best in them, can’t wish them well — they honestly can’t do anything to improve the situation. All you can think about is how they impact or inconvenience your life and your situation. It’s like a low-key blind rage. I can’t resent my body. If I resent my body in its current form, we will never be able to work together to move forward. Which is why, I’m actively trying to make sure we’re on the same page.  I can be annoyed with myself — I can be annoyed if I feel like I haven’t eaten well, or if I feel like I’m not active enough. I can be annoyed by behavior that I can actively work on changing. I can’t be angry or resentful of the body that’s getting me to where I need to be, because frankly…

tumblr_noogtoo47H1qk08n1o1_500

Does that fit this scenario? Really I’m just looking for any excuse to use another Bethenny gif… TBH.

Am I generally pleased with the way I look? Yes. Do I feel like I’m physically the best version of myself? No. And that’s okay. But I can’t sit and pout about it.  There are only two options —  1. actively try to change the situation or 2. determine that this is the body that I’m completely comfortable living in forever. I’ll take 1 for 200, Alex. It’s my body, my story, and my prerogative.

My friend’s sweet Mom wrote something on my Facebook wall that I’ve saved in my brain for future use when I feel like I’m getting to a point of negativity — “We are always a work in progress…the important thing is to progress and not get trapped along the way.” That’s SO helpful no matter what you’re going through! If you’re trying to improve your body image, grieving the loss of a loved one, or just working through some (maybe not even known to you yet) personal issues.

If you’d like to take a look at the video, check it out here or below.

 

You may also like

5 comments

  1. After reading your story the word TRANSPARENCY came to me.
    To be transparent means to be visible. To be visible means to be in truth. To be in truth means to be open. To be open signifies that you are making room for release but also gain. We heal through transparency.
    Thank you for sharing.

  2. Bravo to you for sharing your story. It’s similar to that of many of us plus size girls. I’m ten years older than you and I wish I was as wise and accepting of my body and my story when I was your age. Your voice and positivity will help a multitude of young women. I’m so happy to have come across your site. 🙂

  3. “People are the worst sometimes.” girl, you said a mouthful there! thank you for sharing this. You are beautiful, smart, hilarious, and witty! don’t ever change!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *